how come a parent who is supposed to take care of u and help u never really is there to do those things?.....u kno i always feel lonely in mi house and i always cry cuz of it.....but they dont kno.....kno one ever knos....they think im a happy person all the time or im moody....but it cuz im scared and alone....becuzno one is really here 4 me....yea they say they want the best 4 me and thati should be happy to live under a roof and eating.....but i could care less 4 that....the thing i want is 4 them to understand me......i ask god all the time to help me but it seems nothing has changed......b4 mi sister messed up her life with drugs, drinking, and suicidal thoughts
she got all the good attention but now shes getting all the attention good, bad, wrry, all.....and im just getting the "u need to do better then that" kinda attention i wounder how would it be if i either died or was not born (i kno marcus not cool to think of) but really would the be sad if i died? would they regret making me hurt? or would they just blow it over like nothing ever happened?.....it kinda surprising really how i could hide mi emotions and hav mi feelings built up till it hurts......i feel really lonely ya kno...like i hav kno 1....but im surrounded by many pplz......yea yea i kno there r more pplz out there then me who r hurting....but look where it got them ther doing drugs, drinking, killing them selves, cutting, or other things i want to do but just cant cuz it doesnt solve a damn thing.......i feel like crying and running to no where and anywhere.....but im to scared to..... it hurt to find out that wen u look at it u really dont hav anything in life...... u kno while im writing XD mi mom is yelling at me and making me cry but im still smile even while it hurt the tears wont stop i wipe them but even more comes.....but she just wont shut up......i always ask her y she took me in if all shes going to do is hurt me?...wen i ask her that mi older "sister" margie gets in it and starts to yell at me.....and wen i yell bk and start to get angry they tell me to shut up and that i hav no right to yell at them......"WELL f** U TOO AND I CAN YELL AT WHOM EVER YELLS AT ME!!!!!!" is wat i wont to say but sadly i cant cuz if i do they will call the cops on me and say "im afraid she might hurt 1 of us (insert fake sadness here) i called u because she was becoming very violent and im wrried she might hurt her self" yea kno how i kno they will do that.......cuz they did it before XD and i cried and cried.....told the police their lieing but they didnt listen thet said "miss i wont u to calm down and stop talking" believe it or not 1 of them was flirting wiicon_sad.gif......and it all started cuz mi other sisters mom was trying to pick a fight with me and i got really pissed cuz mi "mother" didnt help me and just watched ......well i hav more but its to long already so over and out 4 now